february 8th, 2026 01:07pm
This past semester has been a total shitfest. Three of my courses are currently in the air and the financial aid office is awaiting more points to be graded, which means no money for a few weeks. Spanish has been going okay so far, I have a new friend who is very sweet. However, I've been cutting class a lot, which I know is bad but the prospect of waking up at 7 a.m. is just too much for me these days. Painting a tired face and attempting to fix my frizzy head of hair is a suicidal endeavour. I feel an uprising coming soon. I yearn for better days. I can't believe that I was ever unhappy in 2023, looking back at that year makes me realise that it was the happiest I had ever been in a long time. My grades were always at the highest mark, my submissions almost always on time and life seemed to be constantly filled with new possibilities and opportunities. That hope faltered in 2024 and was shot down in 2025. I must stop complaining and get on with it.
november 21st, 2025 01:44pm
Feeling unlikable, lonely. How does one balance the art of not caring and recognizing unnecessary cruelness without that knowledge impeding on one's ability to be kind? I miss being a desperate teen and having so much joy and happiness to share, although it was mostly covered by a thick fog of shyness and insecurity. There was hope there, and now it has gone. I'm far too jaded these days, it eats away at my soul. I just want to talk to people. I need to get out of Sweden, this self-aggrandizing, conformist and soulless hellhole. Nothing happens here, nobody exchanges glances of mutual understanding; only hatred and prejudice. I need to go where my soul can be free and life can finally begin. 23 years of running on a continuous hamster wheel.
november 7th, 2025 11:13pm
It's my birthday month. I've been unwillingly absorbed into a clique consisting of three girls from my seminar group. I'm slowly distancing myself from their madness, or should I say from 'her' madness, since it's only really the de facto leader of the group who is unbearable. Really strange girl. I'd rather be alone than be abused by this psycho. I wish my fantasy of university being a place of like-minded people were a reality. Sadly it's not. No one to talk to, and somehow I just don't care anymore.
april 24th, 2025 10:16pm
Purged my diary once again. Is it possible to read old writings and not want to vomit? Not for me at least. I just find myself so incredibly embarassing and dull.